i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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