Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
