i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
