I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
