You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
