Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
