So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
