You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
