yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
