Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
