he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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