did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
