she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
