I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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