If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
