I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
