Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
