Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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