I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
a search helicopter?!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
