Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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