I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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