Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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