you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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