It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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