the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
