After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize