piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
