Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
