I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
