So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
