need another drink. this is the easiest way
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Randomize
