im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
