Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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