did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my shit smells like andre
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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