wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
