i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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