We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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