The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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