We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
As shirtless as possible
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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