i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
operation have a gay friend backfired
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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