I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
