I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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