Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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