Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
