For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
