I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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