i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
