I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
