Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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