This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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