M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
