I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
