Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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