So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
