you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
