My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it's like iHOP with fire
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
