Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
