peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
