accomplished twins. life is a go
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
