So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
