I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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