yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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