This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
