is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
