I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
