? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
