you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
