You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's the barista slut.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
